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Thursday, 10 December 2020

The Artist's Quest. 7. London.

 


London is a whole galaxy.


It has no visible physical end.

When you are in London, no matter where you look from, be it from the street or form the top of the cucumber, the city does not end as far as the eye can see.


It is constructed of smaller worlds, 

of idiosyncratic cultures,

 representing all the cultures on the planet I am sure, 

which flow into one another, merging, layering, 

crystallising into new contemporary cultures, made of new races of people, combined from the most diverse backgrounds, interests, 

and a dose of love, and sex.



Each little corner has its own architectural visual story different to the other parts.

The scents of the food in the air are scents from all the grandma’s kitchens in all the countries, as well as of the young chefs playing, jamming with flavours.  

The fruits and vegetables and even fish, in London are worthy of discovery channel documentaries, weird and wonderful, and with a lot of what the hell is that?- moments.


To me London, was when I arrived, a sparkling in the night city of lights, where theatres lit the night closer and warmer than stars.

With possibility. It is a city in which you have a chance, to be anything you feel like being.  And to try being anything you felt, for the moment, for a day, for an occasion. A city where you can explore who you are without any judgment, and also explore all the different cultures.

For me London first of all meant freedom to make my own choices. How wonderful.

I loved it . Still love it. It still feels like a home. And like than, its same now, once I put my foot into London, no other place exists. There is no need for other places. The organism engulfs you, with the exhibitions, music, dinners, theatre, wonderful people, content, museums, books, nature, offering continuous novelty.. 

You can be happy about leaving London, only when you are out of it already and had somehow managed to break its gravitational pull,  using the aeroplane, or several hours of train.


 

 

The artist's quest. 6 The polka dot handkerchief and the stick.

 

When you have spent near a decade living in a tiny little village, in the English countryside which contains:

1 shop /post office, that sells everything stale & out of date .

1 pub you wouldn’t be seen dead at because all of the parental generation neighbours go there

1 gothic church with a very creepy graveyard

1 cricket pitch 

1 dismal playground

1 social hall

1 tiny village pre-school

& 1 convicted paedophile housed on the edge of the woods.

And had spent years going to school miles away, on a bicycle tough all the weathers, - unless some kind of free ride happened, 

because the 1 old ambulance that had been turned into a bus,

drove once, a day to the wrong town.



This precisely describes the village, Elford , where stepfather had uprooted us to, from the Adriatic sea side, where I was borne. 

When in a whoosh of heroic feeling , and live for the day kind of adrenaline, experienced every day of the 5 year long -triple whammy, Croatia/Serbia/Bosnia war in the 90's that marked the bloody end of the once  happy socialist brotherhood of Yugoslavia,  

he an retired army Engineer /English UN dude,  fell besotted with my beautiful younger mother, - his un mission secretary, and once he in the role of hero, helped retrieve my than kidnaped baby brother from war zone Bosnia,  they cut off their tails, and re-married one-another.


Elford was really pretty and really pretty boring. Come autumn at 5pm , all its 200 single race, single nationality, mostly retired, neighbours, cows, sheep, and houses all vanished into the river mists .


Warning.  


London , arriving form such a context,  may have appeared, more exciting, than to all the naturalised metropolitans who may lift their nose snobbily at the innocent enthusiasm with which

I packed all my belongings in into a polka dot handkerchief ,

tied it to a stick, 

and got on the road to the city paved with gold, 

as far as I was concerned.


Dickens , whose guide books to London life I was most familiar with from school Literature class, had not ruined any of it for me .



Wednesday, 9 December 2020

The artist's quest. 5 . Le Marche

 

The day after we graduated high school, and had our ball, I was on a plane to Italy.



There where a few people, upset about this.


Ben- because if the Italian's threat, and my not being around to relax after all the school exams. But than knowing my family –I would not ever have been allowed to have free time anyway.


Mother,- because of who would help look after my 3 younger bothers instead of me? Help clean the house? How come I did that? Where was I going ? 

I believed she tried to stop me,

-but I had planned the event, meticulously. 


Having worked at multiple part time jobs after school and weekends to save up that school year, and found an agency, that had arranged a warm correspondence with a delightful family who waited a whole month to have me as the au-pair to their 3 children.


Stepfather was annoyed too- because I stopped taking orders from him no matter how aggressively they where conveyed. It ended his pleasure of having the power of saying "No", to everything I wanted to do.


And sadly darling grandmother was upset too- because if I was to travel anywhere other than Brittan- 

Why would I go anywhere else in the world other than Croatia, where she is?



The thing is , I had funded the trip myself, and was an adult, and they could all not stop me.


I flew to Ancona,- and became an au-pair in a seas side town of Recanati where all the Milanese swarm and flock down for the summer, buying a spot,  a beach chair on the beach, and spend summer roasting on it, taking it easy. 


 The summer lulled along , walking the kids to and from the beach all day, 

learning to cook Italian, 

feeding the kids,

loving all the new flavours,

and swapping languages. The kids taught me Italian- and I taught them English.

 Bonus was that the smallest leant how to wipe his bum without my having to help, the little girl to swim, and the oldest son to let his hair down and dance,  and we loved each other from day 1.



Of course there was an Italian boy there. 

To whom I was terribly attracted and fought this attraction, while he fought my resistance, for a whole month and a half of the stay. 

Night after night, post the child caring hours, we visited and walked through many of the little beautiful castle hill top towns, the festivals, clubs, of the Marche province .

He got me to try  for the first time , good vine,

 and love it .

 It was also because of these exploratory adventures, and staying up late that had got me addicted to delicious Italian coffee in the morning, helping the having to be up at 8 with the children. 

Can't imagine life, without coffee or vine, since . 



Daniele was a musician too. But unlike Ben, whose band was well known on the rock scene around the Midlands, and who himself vibrated that cool grungy English spunk, evident in the fact that he played the guitar on stage, down by his knees.

-Daniele played Jazz, a genre I than considered, the stuff an unfashionable uncle would listen to,  and contrary to the standards of coolness I knew all about having  having spent teenage years crowd surfing concerts - and his Rasta dread locks- his guitar was secured -cringingly, high upon his chest. 

But watching , and listening to Daniele and his friends plug their instruments on long electric lines in a garage,

 the bass guitar, the drums, the guitar, the saxophone, 

and play music live, outside to an audience of open fields, 

and the green golden Marche countryside over which the music spilled out,

 one can say, it changed Jazz for ever. 




It was visually beautiful . I came to love it. 

The music. 

And the Italian dream  instead of subsiding and deflating, just imprinted deeper as something  to explore further , sometime.

As for Daniele, he just made a little crack in the idea, of this huge, indestructible, for ever and ever, love I had felt for Ben. I’m not sure that I felt less-, but stated to want to explore life, a little wider, and further, to see new places, meet more people - Argh yet another cliché.!- Or just nature.

 But I moved to London with this little crack, in what was before that point absolute idea of togetherness, and with a hunger for the new, in place.



The artist's quest. 4 The Anglo-Saxon Italian dream

  



There was a whole summer to live trough, before moving from our small high school universe, the mediaeval small town of Lichfield, framed by rivers, woods and the fertile lush green fields England is known for,  where Ben and I had lost our virginity, and would have married, and lived happily ever after, had we stayed.


But despite , Ben’s intuitive fear of Italian men, I along with - I dare to think, many generations of girls reared in the Anglo Saxon cultures, was literally - reared with, 

The Italian dream

as an automatic programme setting.




I know, it is a total cliché- 

But somehow before you are aware that you are one of thousands in grey rainy Brittan incubating this same dream, 

you start thinking that Italian food is the best food,

the healthiest food, 

that pasta does not make you fat, and wind up convinced that heaven looks like a 

Tuscan hill with cypress trees growing along the road to the terracotta coloured villa at the top...


 Oh –wait was that a Barilla pasta sauce illustration, I have somehow memorised?

Or an actual place I saw in Italy?

–Probably both.


To add, the Anglo Saxon girls also come with a little fetish of being driven around on a "motorino", by a gorgeous Italian man, with the sun shining above and their hair flying in the wind.

 Of course this last part, I did not admit wanting, even to myself, but none was going to prevent me from going to see Italy, and that’s exactly what I did that summer


- alone.




The artist's quest. 3. Mr. Postman

A few weeks later, a letter from London, arrived in Elford village, at my family’s house with my name on it.



I got into St. Martin's .



A letter addressed to Ben, fell through the post flap of a door in Lichfield.



He got into St Martin's.


In short, this meant- Hurrah!!! we both ,where moving to London, together.



Well not exactly, together,

 because my mother would hear none of that- in fact she strictly forbade it.



Tuesday, 8 December 2020

The artist quest : 2.The St Martin's interview.

 I could do nothing but watch, holding on to the wooden crosses that make the back of a canvass, a painting in each hand, the heart pounding away awaiting- for what was to be inevitable destruction, of the largest painting of all, that was cart-wheeling down the long escalators into the depths of Holborn tube station.

 “Well, at least it did not kill anyone “I thought relived, as it skidded to a halt.  I must have been holding on to it with my teeth. No other limbs where left free. Ben heaped up with his own load of art works did not notice my predicament and somehow clattered out of the tube gates in one piece, while I and the appendages retreated down the escalators and up one more time, to retrieve the incredulously un damaged- run a away artwork.

Of course by the time we found the right building, having walked several miles, flapping about with canvasses, and being blown about by gusts of wind produced by double decker busses, we were, exhausted.


                                                                            I


The journey for me had begun at that twilight hour that the cows wake, in the Staffordshire farming village of Elford.

Where from, stepfather, drove me across the river and hills, trough fields and woods, across the train track, on the way to Lichfield, with him once again proclaiming his distaste for university education,

“When are you going to just get a proper job? Your mother knows I am very much against this university business, I think it is a waste of time and money”,

and his dislike of London “ I couldn’t bear to live in that horrible dirty place again, it’s now full of Pakis and blacks everywhere – did you know we used to call them niggers in my day?- I had a cat called nigger- did I ever tell you that?”

While I furious on the inside, chewed on a thread of long hair trying, to avoid being provoked into a heated discussion of righteousness against his bigotry, -which would give him an excuse to boycott completing, the single most important car ride, he had ever given me -out of admittedly plenty - and the old man knew it. –and did his best, trying to draw out a volatile slip of tongue, that would endorse his wish to turn the car around, with a decent enough excuse - to give to my mother.

 

                                                                                 II


I must have retorted some kind of smart answer back at him, once, I and the artworks made it safe to the concrete shores of the Lichfield train station, and stepfather, disappointed at my “winning “the journey, must have said, -good luck.

The important thing is Ben and I both, got on the train to Birmingham. Even though, it was an almost not- we made the coach too, and hit the road, leaving green fields and sheep on both sides of the motorway until 4 hours later it delivered us to London Victoria Station, and the city of dreams. 

                                                                             

Which there was  no time to appreciate, as we where on a serious mission. 

Though I must say, there is nothing like a long journey to create a theatrical build up to a situation.


                                                                             III


On reaching the right building finally- of course  the interview was located on no other than the 10th floor, and there was no lift, its understood. -The last test for the hero- to see if he is determined enough to complete the quest.

,Arriving we encountered other talent competing for the few dream positions- to study at the famous St Martin’s art college.  The college was a big deal at King Edward’ the VI th s school. A talented girl I knew quite well, few generations older than us had spent 3 years trying to enter and falling, making the idea of going for it one self,  feel as exciting, irrational and stupid, as packing off to Egypt to hunt down undiscovered pharaoh’s tombs.

It was considered the top of the pyramid of all art schools, and one not to be applied for by everyone, or lightly, -the art teacher Mrs Right, discouraged people mostly form trying for it so they don’t lose their shot at something actually achievable. 

In fact, back at school that very moment remakes most likely may have been made as to whether we would get in or not, the popular opinion expecting our failure.


                                                                     IV

I was crumpled and hot, with shaky hands, and slightly demoralised faced with the fresh looking, perfumed, confident adversaries accompanied by their parents and exotic foreign accents.

All applicants where required to leave their portfolios in a room, next to their name, from which a limited number would be selected to go on to an interview later that day. The room was full of tidy organised little heaps of, portfolios, constituting expensive printed photo books.

As a contrast, two tremulous mountains of stuff upon the table, next to the table, and sliding off it, which smelt strongly of materials,  that in places crumbled, and made your hands dirty when you touched them,- where, Ben’s and mine. 

We did not bring much documentation, of artworks, - we brought the actual darn art works,  paintings ,sculptures, drawings, videos, the lot.


                                                                                       V

Considering it all from a visual perspective, seeing we where trying to get into a school where aesthetics where important, the situation to me contained, the fresh and tidy students, and us the two  crumpled things, and the tidy neat heaps of books, and our lumpy mountains. 

I’m not sure how confident- in relation to how petrified, I felt that moment. This was  the bee's knees.- From all the colleges visited before placing this one as number 1 on our university application list, only this one had the Holborn castle like entrance, with guards, and a swanky glass and metal spacey reception hall, that gave you the confidence – like this place means business.

 It was full of buzzing students speeding down corridors, in visible contrast to other art colleges which seemed wafftey , empty, lethargic. Plus this was the one art college located right in the heart of London.

 

Florence was where, I had fantasised studying, but Ben really did not want me to go Italy, the country most full of “ sleazy Italian men” the worried boyfriend mode explained,  and who would just out of their nature- he made me understand, try their sleazy best to seduce me, bringing doom ruin and an inevitable end to our epic love story.

 –And as Ben had no intention of leaving the British music scene, he asked me to pick any college in Brittan, deciding that he would apply to the same one, and study art, not music, which maybe was just a too obvious a choice for him, a true born musician and rock star of our local scene, who above all else hated complying to expectations. So he had to fight it,- and was great at art too, the choice of college was unanimous.


                                                                       VI


Around the corner was a grey little city park with two benches opposite one another. The skies where grey and it had started to drizzle. All that could have been discussed, had been already, on the coach. At that moment in time, we were one another’s everything. A young, beautiful couple, so obviously in love with one another, it would make you want to vomit -and believe in true love, simultaneously.

Awaiting tectonic changes, we took, some tragic, squashed, tuna sandwiches, and chewed to waste an eternity.

I stared at Ben, at his eyes, dark and light blue at the same time, curly black locks, and fat lips, twisting the guitar string ring he made, (that produced a rash always itched my ring finger,) and he stared back at me,  both aware that this day would determine the future to come.

Each produced, a change of clothes, -dressed their stylish best, and went to face the artillery.


Some of the tidy, neat, kids we had seen earlier, where leaving the selection room upset, some crying even, portfolios wilting in their hands.

Worried about the standard being even higher than I anticipated- I entered the room awaiting for the impending news of doom,

                                                                     VII


- to be told that I had passed the first round, to leave my work where it is, and be ready for the group interview.

As chance would have it, - Ben was told exactly the same thing.


                                                                                                                                                               


The interview was a big open table discussion composed of about fifteen people, tutors, college students and other applicants, in which each wanna-be student- had to present their work, and discuss both one’s own and everyone else’s portfolios.

It was an asset for Ben and I to have each other at the same table, there is strength in numbers, we just got going, with our typical devil’s advocate debate approach, popular among friends, and ping ponged off one another, questioning everything shown. 



And than we where sent home.

The Artist Quest. 1. Intro.

Dear Reader.

The journey of the artist, has so far, the 37 years of it , been full of adventures long and short. 

Buddhist monks from Tibet, have advised my friend Zeljan Rakela, who arrived there on motorcycle from Split, that by the age of 40 he should have a child, plant a tree and write a book, in order to become a complete balanced human being and find his peace. I loved the advice, which has stuck in my subconscious. Having planted several trees, given birth to two delicious children, and after years of composing short stories & observations here at "A coffee in the Balkans blog", I  have decided to start writing a collection of the adventures, I lived trough on this quest and road of being an artist.  

The story started at the very begging, where as a small kid I'd steal make up in the house, and draw with it- because the shimmery effect of blusher and eyeshadows on paper was prettier than of simple felt tip pens.. 

But the tales will commence, at that moment when the thunderbolt from the sky, tapped me on the shoulder politely and very clearly said: You are going to be an artist. 

Which for me, alike for a great number of artists  -was the moment of acceptance into the art school. 

If you, are curious, read on. I shall post pieces as they come to me, and see where this endeavour goes, whether I will write a lot or little, no one knows. As for the many people who entered and flavoured this quest, they might find them self mentioned, but I will try not to reveal too much intimate info. The perfect time for writing, like today, is when it grey out and raining,  I suppose we expect new stories to emerge here only on such days. 

love & art,  Sunci