Pregnancy by mothers and those around them often is described in cliches as popular as those cliches about religion. Everyone speaks about weight as if it matters. They speak about sickness, about how tough it is, and about the feeling of aliens moving in the stomach. The clishes are as empty and as insulting as those polystyrene industrial cheese balls claiming to be nourishment.
Attuned to her own spirit and body, a new mother can from day one feel that there is new life within her. Its not complicated. She immediately dreams the baby. Imitate the body refuses certain substances, rejects their intake into the body as in my case was coffee, demands certain foods full of vitamins, and clams territory of time, sets the body to sleep, rest, repose contrary to work ethics, regardless of them, because the mission her body has exceeds in importance all other purpose.
This to someone who is in not in a state to have a child, may seem a ridiculous stipulation and hormone affected thought.Yet, last week in a hospital waiting room i sat next to 6 girls under the age of 32, who had multiple miscarriages, some as many as six, all heathley young women, desperate to have a child, and they have a point of wiew rather different than they had when younger and trying not to get pregnant. Suddenly their main priority in life, became this child they found hard to carry to birth. Their entire purpose, time, money are now directed towards this single goal,the healthy pregnancy. The career however important before completely lost its previous value. Would she get fat or sick along the way or have to inject her self with hormones for months did not prove a problem to any of them.
Pregnancy is not a culmination of exterior cliches which everyone knows. It is not 9 moths of difficult time. It is a world in itself. What have i been doing? Am i going out? Am i meeting people. St oped mattering. I do all those things but feel no need for it, no rush, as i did before. What have i done, which is interesting, of late, that i can chat about, impress , also matters not. An entire world, self sufficient, and content exists between the self and the baby.The purpose of a day is already complete, at start, at dawn or when ever one wakes up, if the baby is well if it moves to say hi.
The connection is total, it moves within one, inside dreams, sleep. The progress it makes from its first days trough out the months is fascinating. Following the development of a few cells , to organs, to a whole child with personality, we finally learn our own coming to being, the way life develops, the process of evolution almost. We notice it starting in its own mysterious way to communicate with the mother, and trough the mother with the world.We start to understand which vitamins and minerals help to form our own body cells, organs, functions. Life gains a new value, as does health, very life is what matters, rather than importance of what the baby will be when it growns up or what will be its name.
Learning ourselfs to communicate, move ones hand ower the belly where the little feet move and sense their reaction and feel the way they search for the warmth of the hand on the exterior of the belly is a thrill. Feeling moments in which the baby is still and sleeps, and than slowly wakes up begging to jiggle its little fingers, hands, than actively play about for and hour or two, before making the mother adjust her body in a way that suits it and fall asleep. It is an amassing experience.
My baby kicks hard, it hurts sometimes, and makes me twist, in ways which suit him better. Because he is positioned with head down, perhaps he does not like walking much and protests about it to make me lie down. So reclining becomes something i do. The wonderful thing is , lack of feeling of missing out anything. I am not painting so what. It will not run away, none of it, world is exterior and separate and matters less. There will be other time for other things. Foloving the way different bumps appear and move in my belly is much move fascinating, trying to guess if the bump is a knee or bottom or a foot making little hills under the skin and disappearing again within.
From the begging i could feel something in the right side, a small presence than much earlier than all the doctors and information said i would, i could feel the movement of a tiny tiny foot, and now he is some weeks before birth and in his sleeps he still settles his bottom into the right-hand-side of the belly, so all his weight is positioned there, when he wakes that is where he most likes to kick his little feet, stretching as far towards the back as poking the little foot just above the hip.
The baby is now a very large bump sticking out what seems at least half a meeter away from the rest of me when i stand up. In the last week my skin can not take the weight and has started to groove, purple, not beautiful but real, its still doesn't bother me as long as baby is doing well. The joints of the fingers, knees hurt, i don't like the new vitamins and so have not taken them last few weeks and can almost feel how energy and minerals are drawn from my own body for the baby. I now can sense how the lack of certain foods and minerals directly affect my body. Not eating magnesium filled foods, dark greens and walnuts results in leg cramps and gastritis within days.
I'm already being asked as to what sports i want the boy to play, or friends imagine our personality projected as if it where a mini m or me, but i feel the whole time this complete little individual. It beats its heart within me, but thinks on it own all ready. It doesn't like all i decide to do and protests. So what will be the personality, what will he like , i cant wait to see. All i can tell he loves being touched and stroked, likes attention, likes flamenco, and is very active.
Its interesting too to observe the relation the father develops with the child. The excitement. The worry at each doctors appointment. The absolute necessity to arrange all the best quality medical treatment and objects baby needs. The love which develops so early on. The ultimate care to make sure , mother and baby inside are ok. Changes in his times prioroties. And in turn the baby very early on starts to recognise the voice of the father, kick every time he comes home from work, say hello and poke when he hears his heartbeat trough my skin.
Any way, we are now in the last weeks or days before we meet the little man face to face.. I supose that will bring on the ultimate change of affairs. Im, still watering plants, doing usual things , its the quiet before the big change.
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