Plenty of times i have heard the promise made to self and friends, vitnessed women taking the oath not to talk about their babies in that obsessed way "feather-headed women" tend to, strangulating their listeners with inexhaustible details of the wonder child from how adorable and smart he is to his beautiful " golden colour stool". Behaviour which sooner or later removes a majority of friends away from the mother.
At the weekend i encountered just such a women ,and recall a promise i made last Autumn to kill her, at her own request ,should she ever step up to becoming one of those.
She had a hand full of pram, which like a factory leaver automatically pulled and pushed the perambulator to and fro rocking the baby within, whilst the other hand was busy in gesticulating and overemphasising her talk aobut the ways with babies.
I did not get out a gun and remind her of her death wish.
For the knee long red dress i had bought after Christmas's has now become an almost naughty miniskirt, a majority of its cloth too busy stretching over the increasingly large tummy to worry about lengths of decency. I waddled in style of fat duck with my very expensive boots bought on the other side of Christmas's, cracked at the soles from the recent endowment of weight, and i listened to her, not really able to stop the hyper enthusiastic river of baby idiolect, and even one might say enjoying it. This being a sure sign, that i too am getting the mad-mother syndrome.
The mad father syndrome also exists.
It begins at the discovery of pregnancy, when half excited, half fretful, nurture installed paranoia's forcee the new fathers to calculate dates, menstrual cycles and romantic encounters, before settling that the child is theirs, and than proceed to be excited and more scared still, in attendance of medical checks which confirm the baby is well and normal. Establishing the child is both his and healthy the father enters a phase of life in which suddenly he sees prams everywhere, he is surrounded by prams all day, rendering him to study deeply their mechanisms and all the technical aspects, brakes, wheels, fold ability, safely, as well as car seats before concluding that only the most expensive gadget contraption is fit to carry his offspring.
The mad mother syndrome, is quite another thing all together. One can see pregnant women walking down the street alone, talking out aloud. To everyone they appear clinically mad, but in their own world the mother is conversing with baby, creating that pre-natal contact that will be so reassuring to child when its born. The mother too gets targeted by prams, all day, prams like dodgem cars start bumping into her all over the place, but she does not see baby carriers, she sees babies. She observes babies in sleep, listens to them cry, calculates what differentiates the beautiful from ugly ones. She is abashed at how big they are, finding it impossible to believe that half a meter of baby fits inside her tummy. When she sees baby clothes, toys, beds, she wants to have them all. From week to week the baby inside her grows to sizes it can not be ignored. The little thing jumps at strange noises, the banging of pots, or reacts with fear at hair-dryers, hoovers, anything electrical and noisy. It has periods of sleep and activity every few hours, waking the mother up squiggling about in the night, or he kicks when she sits in a way he does not approve, and most surprising of all are the places baby manages to wriggle his fingers and toes. I can feel wriggling of fingers beneath my ribs as i lie on my hip and am filled with fears of squashing him. Even the father can not ignore the baby as from time to time litte feet kick him trough the tummy if he lies or sits close. This baby presence being 24 hours, plus a big dose of mothering hormone is how the women catches the mother madness which does not stop once the baby is born.
Im not sure that this is a valid excuse for my mother to melodramatise in paranoia every time i am crossing the street tring to hold my hand at age of 29, but it is a reason why i seem not to be able to write about anything else these days. I do think aobut other subjects, and start writing, and than the baby kicks and all the priority evaporates out of alternative things to think about and i find my self talking aloud to him in the otherwise empty apartment, making even the dog lady upstairs look at me funny on the stair case.
I promise, to try not to over swamp my friends with the whole baby affair, but to my readers i can obviously not promise to write about anything else, as all the types of experiences that inspired me before in comparison are just not as exciting as the discoveries revealed by the baby kicking inside me each day.
--
Thursday 14 March 2013
I have an eco-dish washer for sale. Operates without electiricity on bio-kitchen waste. Leaves all dishes shiney ,clean and without any traces of scale or calcium. It removes the toughest scum and burnt food from caserroles and pans using advanced canine technology. 15 Year guarnatee. Dishwasher make: Croatian Sheppard.
Thursday 7 March 2013
Yoga in pregnancy.
Yeaterday i participated in a prenatal yoga class. I had never been to yoga before, just becosue absolutley everyone goes, yoga to me started to symbolise clishe-spirituality. As in pregancy new weight and a lesser excercise of musicles starts to induce back and legg cramps, I decided it was time to let go of prejudice and yoga seemed the easiest form of excercise for the body, and i liked the marketing, how trough yoga one connects to the baby more.
The yoga space smelled like a Harry Krishna temple, candles and incense, and i like when someone takes care of the setting to complete and experience or at least distance me from the everyday. The studio is in the very heart of Zagreb almost on the main square, whilst a glass wall decorated with a lotus flower, allows the tram lines to be visible during exercise. In fact the tramlines, and the rush of the noisy center, with scents of heated oils,low lighting and eastern music, united in creating a sense of bring in India. The home of noise, mess, masses and spirituality. Yet in another way the homogeneous setting, like hotel architecture, is styled to take everyone feel at home, comfortable and yet equally as if you are no where specific, or every where, where women go to yoga in pregnancy, new york, london, bombai.
Four big bellied girls waddled into the space, spread out green mats on to the parquet, and awaited instructions of the yoga master. We observed one another the way hippopotamus immersed in water peer at each other out of the pond, before they get out with their enormous belies, and instead of shying away as they do in the general world, where we still open doors for bitter grannies, here we could rejoice talking about our bellies. A bout babies. About theams we generally think about all day but fear strangulating others with. None of us had exercised since discivery of the pregnacy to one another's general aprovement, and we had just adjusted to the altered state enough to attempt at being active.
The yoga master had given birth twice, but never the less had no mercy in her expectations of a pregnant woman shaped like a hippo's balance when standing on one leg, with arms in the air and head on the floor. In bursts I felt sick and dizzy, but I did not give up. The most difficult of exercises where making as a bird and flapping the arms as wings until they practically turned into stone. Crouching as if laying and egg or giving birth cave woman style was not much fun ether. The best part was lying down with feet propped up on the wall and hands on the baby relaxing. Talk to your baby said the yoga master, communicate silently. Silently? My baby had for the entire duration of yoga class been practicing kung fu. And as I calmed down, thinking perhaps that we're home, it started its main act " Mummy ,daddy, can you hear me, look, i can dance the can-can!"
In all a positive experience i would say ,though little fears pass trough the mind, like should i be stretching my hips that much? Doctors trough out the pregnancy do a very uncomfortable check to see if the uterus is opening, and here was yoga lady doing everting to make the hips open. Yet she had given birth, she might know. Fears in pregnancy are frequent due to a lack of knowledge, so perhaps its best to relax to someone else's expedience . The socialising with other mothers who amongst our self did not even care to exchange names but know all about one anothers baby, was happy and encouraging. Its good to go somewhere where one can converse with others without preassure of negativity such as can be met talking with women in the queue for the doctors, where fears of other's horrors stories keep me buried in a book at all times. And if one was to believe the yoga master the pre natal yoga can be practiced until the birth it self, and most likely does help when one learns to breathe properly whilst in stressful body positions and prepare muslces for the big showdown.
And there, thats how my first yoga expirence ended.
The yoga space smelled like a Harry Krishna temple, candles and incense, and i like when someone takes care of the setting to complete and experience or at least distance me from the everyday. The studio is in the very heart of Zagreb almost on the main square, whilst a glass wall decorated with a lotus flower, allows the tram lines to be visible during exercise. In fact the tramlines, and the rush of the noisy center, with scents of heated oils,low lighting and eastern music, united in creating a sense of bring in India. The home of noise, mess, masses and spirituality. Yet in another way the homogeneous setting, like hotel architecture, is styled to take everyone feel at home, comfortable and yet equally as if you are no where specific, or every where, where women go to yoga in pregnancy, new york, london, bombai.
Four big bellied girls waddled into the space, spread out green mats on to the parquet, and awaited instructions of the yoga master. We observed one another the way hippopotamus immersed in water peer at each other out of the pond, before they get out with their enormous belies, and instead of shying away as they do in the general world, where we still open doors for bitter grannies, here we could rejoice talking about our bellies. A bout babies. About theams we generally think about all day but fear strangulating others with. None of us had exercised since discivery of the pregnacy to one another's general aprovement, and we had just adjusted to the altered state enough to attempt at being active.
The yoga master had given birth twice, but never the less had no mercy in her expectations of a pregnant woman shaped like a hippo's balance when standing on one leg, with arms in the air and head on the floor. In bursts I felt sick and dizzy, but I did not give up. The most difficult of exercises where making as a bird and flapping the arms as wings until they practically turned into stone. Crouching as if laying and egg or giving birth cave woman style was not much fun ether. The best part was lying down with feet propped up on the wall and hands on the baby relaxing. Talk to your baby said the yoga master, communicate silently. Silently? My baby had for the entire duration of yoga class been practicing kung fu. And as I calmed down, thinking perhaps that we're home, it started its main act " Mummy ,daddy, can you hear me, look, i can dance the can-can!"
In all a positive experience i would say ,though little fears pass trough the mind, like should i be stretching my hips that much? Doctors trough out the pregnancy do a very uncomfortable check to see if the uterus is opening, and here was yoga lady doing everting to make the hips open. Yet she had given birth, she might know. Fears in pregnancy are frequent due to a lack of knowledge, so perhaps its best to relax to someone else's expedience . The socialising with other mothers who amongst our self did not even care to exchange names but know all about one anothers baby, was happy and encouraging. Its good to go somewhere where one can converse with others without preassure of negativity such as can be met talking with women in the queue for the doctors, where fears of other's horrors stories keep me buried in a book at all times. And if one was to believe the yoga master the pre natal yoga can be practiced until the birth it self, and most likely does help when one learns to breathe properly whilst in stressful body positions and prepare muslces for the big showdown.
And there, thats how my first yoga expirence ended.
Yoga u trudnoći.
Jučer sam otišla na sat joge za trudnice. Nikada nisam sudjelovala u jogi baš zato što se njom bave aboslutno svi, i joga mi je postala pojam za clishe-duhovnost . Odlučila sam da je vrijeme odpustiti predrasude i iči jer u trudnoći težina i manje korištenje mišića uzrokuju grčeve u nogama i leđima, te eto joga mi se ddjimla još naj laganija forma vježbe za tjelo, svidila mi se reklama kako tokom pre natlane joge se ustroji na povećani kontakt s bebom.
Prostor za jogu mirisao je na Hari Krišhna hram, svjeće i ulja, volim kada se nekto pobrine o scenariju kako bi upotpunili doživljaj, ili me izvukao iz svakodnevnice. Sala za vježbe nalazi se u centru Zagreba, skoro do trga, a staklena stjenka zida oslikana simbolom lotusa dopušta da tramvajske žice su vidljive tokom vježba. Zapravo tramvasjke žice i juriš bučnog centra, uz mirise grijanih ulja, lagano osvjetljenje, i meditativnu istočnjačku glazbu, zajedno su stvorili osječaj na trenutke kao da se nalazim Indiji. Domovine buke, nereda, mnoštva, i duhovnosti. Na drugu ruku opći scenarij poput hotelske arhitekture, stvoren je da se osječaš kući, ugodno, a istodobno da se osječaš kao da nisi nigde posebno, ili pak svugdje gdje žene odlaze na jogu u trudonaći, newyork, london, mumbai.
Četiri cure s trbusima ugegale su u porstor, rasprostrle si zelene prostirke na parket, i čekale upute yoga majstorice. Gledale smo se onako kako nilski-konji ćire jedni druge iz bare, malo sramežljivo, prije nego što izađu iz vode zajedno sa svojim velikim trbusima, i umjesto da se ustručavaju kao što to rade u općem svijetu i dalje nastojeći pustit grintave babe prije sebe kroz vrata, ovjde smo se sve veselile moći pričati o našim trbusima. O bebama. O tome o čemu opčenito cijeli dan razmišljamo a bojimo se daviti ostale. Nijedna od nas nije vježbala tjelom od začeća, na zajedničko odobravanje, i eto sada smo se taman naviknule na trudnoću dovoljno da pokušamo biti aktvine.
Joga majstorica rodila je već dvaputa. Ali nije baš imala neke milosti što se tiče očekivanja koliko jedna trudinca oblika niskog konja ima ravnoteže na jednoj nozi sa dvije ruke u zraku i glavom na podu. U naletima mi se povraćalo, čak i mantalo, ali nisam se dala. Naj teže vježbe su bile kada su nilski konji morali glumiti ždralove i mahati dolje gore krilima, kada su nam se ruke pretvarale u kamenja. I kada smo čučale u poziciji kao da sjedimo na jajima ili rađamo kako je to radila špiljska žena. Najbolji dio bilo je ležati sa nogama na zidu, rukama na bebi opuštajući se. Pričajte sa svojom bebom rekla je majstorica, recite joj nešto tiho u sebi. Tiho? Moj bebač cijelu je jogu vježbao kung-fu. Rastezajući nogice, glavu, okrećući se, a kada sam se smirlila misleći da smo kući možda, počeo je svoj glavni akt, "mama tata čuješ li me, vidi ja plešim, Kan-Kan".
Pozitivno iskustvo sve us vemu rekla bih, iako neki mali strahovi stavljaju sumlje u glavu, kao naprimjer dali bih ja smila toliko rastezati kukove? Doktori tokom trudnoće stalno rade neuglodan pregled da bi ustanovili ako se maternica počela otvarati što koliko kužim nije poželjno, a joga lady radila je vježbe za rastvaranje kukova. No ipak ona je rodila, valjda zna. Strahovi u trudnoći su česti iz neznanja, možda se kadkada treba prepustiti tuđim iskustivima. Ipak to druženje sa drugim trudnicama, koje si međusobno nismo izmjenile ni imena, ali znamo svašta o bebama jedne druge, bila je vesela, ohrabrujuća, i mislim da je super ići negdje gdje je odobreno i razgovarati sa drugima, bez pritiska negatinosti kao što to rade neke žene u čekaoni za pregleda gdje od straha tuđih horor priča radije zadubim glavu u debelu knjigu. A ako se skroz prepustiti učiteljici , pernatalnu jogu može se izvoditi sve do kraja ili riđenja, i vjerojatno je da savladavši neke od vježba disanja, i učvstčivanja mišića če imati nekakav dobar utjecaj na porod.
I tako završilo je moje prvo joga iskustvo.
Prostor za jogu mirisao je na Hari Krišhna hram, svjeće i ulja, volim kada se nekto pobrine o scenariju kako bi upotpunili doživljaj, ili me izvukao iz svakodnevnice. Sala za vježbe nalazi se u centru Zagreba, skoro do trga, a staklena stjenka zida oslikana simbolom lotusa dopušta da tramvajske žice su vidljive tokom vježba. Zapravo tramvasjke žice i juriš bučnog centra, uz mirise grijanih ulja, lagano osvjetljenje, i meditativnu istočnjačku glazbu, zajedno su stvorili osječaj na trenutke kao da se nalazim Indiji. Domovine buke, nereda, mnoštva, i duhovnosti. Na drugu ruku opći scenarij poput hotelske arhitekture, stvoren je da se osječaš kući, ugodno, a istodobno da se osječaš kao da nisi nigde posebno, ili pak svugdje gdje žene odlaze na jogu u trudonaći, newyork, london, mumbai.
Četiri cure s trbusima ugegale su u porstor, rasprostrle si zelene prostirke na parket, i čekale upute yoga majstorice. Gledale smo se onako kako nilski-konji ćire jedni druge iz bare, malo sramežljivo, prije nego što izađu iz vode zajedno sa svojim velikim trbusima, i umjesto da se ustručavaju kao što to rade u općem svijetu i dalje nastojeći pustit grintave babe prije sebe kroz vrata, ovjde smo se sve veselile moći pričati o našim trbusima. O bebama. O tome o čemu opčenito cijeli dan razmišljamo a bojimo se daviti ostale. Nijedna od nas nije vježbala tjelom od začeća, na zajedničko odobravanje, i eto sada smo se taman naviknule na trudnoću dovoljno da pokušamo biti aktvine.
Joga majstorica rodila je već dvaputa. Ali nije baš imala neke milosti što se tiče očekivanja koliko jedna trudinca oblika niskog konja ima ravnoteže na jednoj nozi sa dvije ruke u zraku i glavom na podu. U naletima mi se povraćalo, čak i mantalo, ali nisam se dala. Naj teže vježbe su bile kada su nilski konji morali glumiti ždralove i mahati dolje gore krilima, kada su nam se ruke pretvarale u kamenja. I kada smo čučale u poziciji kao da sjedimo na jajima ili rađamo kako je to radila špiljska žena. Najbolji dio bilo je ležati sa nogama na zidu, rukama na bebi opuštajući se. Pričajte sa svojom bebom rekla je majstorica, recite joj nešto tiho u sebi. Tiho? Moj bebač cijelu je jogu vježbao kung-fu. Rastezajući nogice, glavu, okrećući se, a kada sam se smirlila misleći da smo kući možda, počeo je svoj glavni akt, "mama tata čuješ li me, vidi ja plešim, Kan-Kan".
Pozitivno iskustvo sve us vemu rekla bih, iako neki mali strahovi stavljaju sumlje u glavu, kao naprimjer dali bih ja smila toliko rastezati kukove? Doktori tokom trudnoće stalno rade neuglodan pregled da bi ustanovili ako se maternica počela otvarati što koliko kužim nije poželjno, a joga lady radila je vježbe za rastvaranje kukova. No ipak ona je rodila, valjda zna. Strahovi u trudnoći su česti iz neznanja, možda se kadkada treba prepustiti tuđim iskustivima. Ipak to druženje sa drugim trudnicama, koje si međusobno nismo izmjenile ni imena, ali znamo svašta o bebama jedne druge, bila je vesela, ohrabrujuća, i mislim da je super ići negdje gdje je odobreno i razgovarati sa drugima, bez pritiska negatinosti kao što to rade neke žene u čekaoni za pregleda gdje od straha tuđih horor priča radije zadubim glavu u debelu knjigu. A ako se skroz prepustiti učiteljici , pernatalnu jogu može se izvoditi sve do kraja ili riđenja, i vjerojatno je da savladavši neke od vježba disanja, i učvstčivanja mišića če imati nekakav dobar utjecaj na porod.
I tako završilo je moje prvo joga iskustvo.
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