What is a man without the mother?

(INTRO: Here in the context I am writing in, Croatia, 2013, this article reffers to a grave number of male acquaintances , it may not apply to the international contexts of my readers but , it is a topic I felt had to be written about, if for no other reason but to send the article to a few individuals who inspired it, to see their reaction, to see will they be insulted, will they have excuses which exonerates them from being identified with the type of people described here, or are they truly resigned and comfortable as they are. The article I have written yeasterday morning originally in Croatian and find it interesting how many ex girlfriends and friends, recognised these men, and agreed on the existence of a problem at least in sheer numbers of types here described.)



Without entering deep Freudian dilemmas, for a moment let's turn around our axises, a full circle, 365 degrees, take of the sun shades and count the number of men who still live with their mother after they reach the long awaited age of 18.

At that mature law approved age people can drive, drink, travel, study, get married, they can hardley await the age of 18 so they can slap the mother and father with the words " Who are you to tell me what to do, now that i am officially an adult". But than the lad continues lounging aobout the house, waiting for dinner to abracadabra on to the table, and fresh socks to pair off automatically and jump into the sock drawer.

The adult male now drinks and degenerates all the more, rightfully being an adult an' all, threatening mother that he will leave when she complains, yet years later he has not moved the mere length of a beard along. When he does find a way to earn some money, it is spent with the speed of lightening, on going out, travel and toys, thus for coffee and cigarettes he still whines at mother how little she cashes out.

I would never have breached this topic, where it not that my wide friend and family circle includes boys aged, 20, 30 and 40 who still live the symbiosis of moaning at and co-habitation with mummy. As you see most of them are indeed not boys any longer, but fully grown men who consider their age unnoticeable, they are young at heart , so they say, but the fact that Peter Pan's hair has gone gray, he him self does not notice, he goes out for beers with mates when ever he can, checks out younger girls, his mother still buys his underwear, all is same as before, as always, which is enough evidence in his opinion to prove that he hasn't grown old, nay.

To even suggest to such characters very simple recipes which have functioned for all others in order to get independent, to find a job or two, rent an apartment for him self or with a friend, there is no sense, as they have no strength, will , nor desire to get away from mother, and have one thousand and one reason explaining why such a thing for him, would be absolutely impossible. Everyone else who has managed, they consider Lucky, convinced someone else prepared terrain for them. There are even those who on getting a decent job, and starting a career, still find it impossible to pick up anchor and sail away from mummy.

Is the mother to blame? A good relishing probably, for she does not want to be abandoned by the sons, and so tolerates all kinds of nonsense just to keep them at home. In some things she smothers disabling the sons from being independent, in order to feel needed, in other things she pushes them to work as they give her too many worries, ultimately resulting in fights over petty things. They irritate one another. She is 60 and the son is 30 and every so often they flap about like raging turkeys because it must be some body's fault why she can not find her spectacles and he can not find his trainers.

Last week at lunch a French man living in Croatia for a year, announces how he has noticed that the difference between Croats and Slovenes is that young Slovenes, weather they are broke or not , move away from their parents rent flats in city centre, making ends meet is the cost of freedom, and end up organising all kinds of creative projects. English among who i grew up, from the age of 18, move away from the parents to another side of the country, and do not sleep at home ever apart from during the holidays. No matter how low on money they be, or without food for several weeks, they figure it out with friends, trough adverts, to share a flat, a house , or even move to a squat to have the freedom to concentrate on realising their dreams. Finances are made finding a variety of jobs unrelated to their studies as long as they have to, instead of swearing at mother under the breath about having to hoover the house, wasting their youth's idealism with which they would otherwise be channeling into changing the world. None "hands" these people a a job, nor food, nor gets the bills. Its not easy to start out by one self, no where, but its worth it.

An independent man no one bothers, or if some tries to - he doesn't have to listen because no one else is his mother. No one controls where he is, what he is doing, whom he is with , at what time is he coming home, and where he spends his own money. Seeing he sees to feeding him self, he will learn to think about the ways of spending money, and how he invests it as if he does not have enough money until the end of the month to eat, he will learn eventually not to spend all money on alcohol for one night, as when living alone there may not be anyone waiting for him to wake up to at 4 in the afternoon and ask what is for dinner.

. Lets get back to my friend who has long passed his 30, has an amassing car, but his parents pay for all his bills, all food, shampoo, clothes detergent, ear buds, and who still lives at home in the childhood bed room. Apart from missing out all the glory of Independence, well how will he ever find a wife? Actually he can not even keep a girlfirled interested, as every one , even if she does fall in love eventually gets bored of having to shag in the car. That would have been exciting if they where teenagers, but considering he is over 30 years old his uncut umblilical chord is not attractive. And how many girls who have worked to become independent dream of a guy who she will have to keep and provide for in her own apartment? This type of male, like tumble weeds cruise from one relationship to the next, looking always for younger and younger girls who have not yet developed a criteria, yet after a brief romantic interval in which he may even start hoping it would grow into something more serious, gets dumped, because whilst it was fun for a while, unfortunately he is old. Of course the guy does not get it, and may continue with the same scheme for decades. Often he does not even see a reason to move away from mom, paradoxically planing to do it once he finds a wife.

Now lets get back to the younger version of the guy tied to his umbilical chord, the one in his Early twenties, who is not seeking a wife, but girls, travel and fun. He is still at home. He needs mom to give him money for realisation of any plans. She insists he earns it. So they argue. They can't stand each other ,but he does not leave. He dreams of how great it would be to live alone but simply does not look for a job. He does not find a job , he does not become independent. He waits for someone to " recommend him" "Get him a job". Not any job, but something easy, an easy one , something he will like, and also find him a flat. Until someone does that for them, they do not even think of an alternative. Everyone has it easier than him.

There exist exceptional situations in which the guy inherits a flat of house, mercy of a dead relative who could no longer watch how mummy is still spiting on a handkerchief and cleaning a grown mans chin. That kind of excetpitoonal situation may project the retard to stand on his own two feet, but it may also just extend the territory for the piggy to spread in, so that his mother now has to come over clean his new place and iron his clothes there, whilst he psychologically and habitually remains the same as he was at home. For these sorts of guys, the question is, is there any kind of hope?

On the other hand sometimes eurekas occur, and the mama's boys snap, move out, realising they can tailor their own life. Often as soon as they rent,, buy or build their own ,earn their own money, suddenly they meet the long awaited girlfriend, and start their own family, realising that its not so bad, enjoying it even.

Life today is obviously too easy and whiteout real threats. As much as the Croats here are acutsomed to mutter into their beards, about how everything is absolutely impossible, there is no work, or money, nor passion for changing anything, so that mum's boys have all the time in the world to extend 3 years studies into a decade , or slobber about at home whithout noticing the passage of time in any other from other than seeing their rock days-long hair, start bolding. In comparison about a hundred years ago, boys younger than 20 used to get together to plot the ways to overthrow the Austrian empire, to liberate the small country, and later on to throw off various historical invaders, the young fought for ideals, secretly or publicly openly risking their lives, and actively trying to fill the short mortal time they accepted with as much meaning, and realisation of happynes as they could, such as to to fall in love, to become independent, to help their family, nation, to travel and see. Now whiteout any real threats present, men hang off their mothers like monkeys for decades, becoming all the more incapable and dependant. Maybe it is time to create some put.the-fear-into-the bones-institutions , in which if a heatley young man-woman live parasiticaly up to a certain age they are forced into an institution where they spend days digging up rocks.The system would probably frighten the parasitic into action, as the flabby characters would a, start to get muscles and become attractive enough for someone to try pull them out of their mother's house, b start to take inciatives to work, and so create and develop the state of the country they are used to whine about.

The mothers could finaly enjoy their retirement and travel to Turkey or where ever ther favourite soap opera is set.

The men who are independat need not be angry at my statements here as i consider them to be the normal ones and enjoying the benefits and fruits of their efforts, as for girls who flab about for decades, just wait for the next half of the article .